murmured

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both,

And be one traveler, long I stood,

And looked down one as far as I could,

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear,

Though as for that the passing there,

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay,

In leaves no step had trodden black,

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should even come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh,

Somewhere ages and ages hence.

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

—

高中时代的预言精准命中了现在的我，瘫在椅子里想要放空自己，但躲不过在过去的文字里找寻着成长的足迹。

踏上哪条道路了吗？也许并没有，只不过是在一个井底原地打转。有点干劲了就在井壁上爬一小段，然后沾沾自喜，再掉回井底。

或是在爬的过程中冷不丁地沾到了一块干燥陌生的砖块，赶忙缩手回去。

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所以一切都毫无变化，笔记的内容也全都应验。

我就借着一切能抓得到的痛苦为由，讨厌自己、讨厌世界。

陷入虚无主义，抱怨着不公和无意义。

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我又每时每刻都挣扎着突破这种状态，这就是我好长一段时间以来的生活。

尝试用欠债的负罪感鞭策自己前进，但收效甚微。

我并不爱自己，对待自己的生活甚至有些冷眼旁观。

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但是，但是，我不能被过去的自己瞧不起。

他不会忘记在六楼挨着电梯口的病房里，最靠外面的那张病床上，因为嫌输液太慢，擅自调快点滴速率，让自己血管冰凉，手臂麻木的经历。

凡此种种，他都挨过来了，为什么能轮到你在这里自欺自哀呢？

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的确，没有像游戏攻略一样的内容让我借鉴给自己的真实人生。

可是这样不是能更好地探索未知区域呵。

谢谢你有认真记录自己走来的路，就让我摆脱冷气，将其延伸至云深不知处。

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